The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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