i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it glows. i had to have it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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