Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
