wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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