How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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