ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
