New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
