Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
