I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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