GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
