what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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