I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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