Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
