It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
