I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
