this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
