I am in a vortex of obligation.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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