i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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