He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found puke in my bra..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
