Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
