rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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