wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize