The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
