we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
