closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
