what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
