Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
