At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His hands were made for my vagina.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
