yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
