I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
