Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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