We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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