I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
