Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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