I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
