I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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