I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
