Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
