Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize