I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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