I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
