Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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