does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
