Don't you send me to vm
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
