So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
