You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
