I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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