i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
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I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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