it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All the doctor said was why
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
