i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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