Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
