Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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