I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
