spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
