she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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