My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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