Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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