So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize