LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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