we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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