turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
