Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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