Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
