We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
