Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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