Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
