im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
