saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize