i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
