Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
