Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
