i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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