You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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