yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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